He raised his arms up to me to be held, so I picked him up, and in my arms he stayed. He became my responsibility, and I became his security, his safe place. He wanted only me. If I strayed too far away, he cried and cried, with big tears rolling down his sweet cheeks. So I held him.
It was windy, and he didn't like it, so I pulled his hood up and played peek-a-boo, making him giggle and show his perfect little teeth. Every time there was a gust of wind, he wanted his hood back up, and spent half the day peeking out around it.
As we walked, he began to grow sleepy. He nestled in close and laid his head on my shoulder, snuggling deeper into my arms. He felt safe, secure. For one day, I'm Mama to him. I meet his needs, soothe his fears, play with him, walk with him, show him new things - give him love. Love that has been given to me, I have the privilege of passing on. For one day, I'm his, and he's mine. It's my hand he grabs, my face he looks for when others crowd in.
As I held him, I talked to my Father. My heart said, "Let this be me and you. Let me take only your hand, look only for your face, rely only on your security and comfort, be at peace only when I'm in your arms." And I thought about the little one I carried. Thought about how much he needs his mama. His forever mama. So he won't ever have to search for a face that belongs to him, a face that won't leave him, arms that won't ever let him go - because he'll always be in them. And where these human arms may fail, His arms will always be there, as they have been all along.
I am thankful for the bit of Father's love he passed through me today, what it did to my heart, and what it does for 'my' little boy.
Thursday, October 10, 2013
Sunday, September 22, 2013
My First Trip Into Beijing!
Friday, we all headed into Beijing! First, we went to the 798 art district, which I loved! It had so many interesting art exhibits, and shops, and pretty little restaurants and cafes, it's a lovely part of town.
One of my roommates taking a picture of a funny sign (half the fun of sightseeing out and about! :-)
Not sure what these things are, but there were several of them around. Rather interesting.
Plastered t-shirt, anyone?
A beautiful set of doors I fell in love with!
How much is that kitty in the window?
The neatest light fixtures!
Another neat door (can you tell I love doors?)
A red tree! I think it was wrapped in some kind of yarn or string.
Dinosaurs!
Would you like a cup of excellence? Or perhaps a cup of Ethiopia?
This building was so interesting! It was completely covered with PVC pipes.
And this one was covered in boards.
We watched this guy make some really yummy crepe-like things, it smelled SO good!
A really awkward cookie-cutter picture! They're NOT made for tall westerners, haha! I think the Chinese people snapping pictures also got quite a kick out of it. :-)
I have no idea what this tower thing is, but it looks pretty cool!
I don't know about you, but soaking in coffee doesn't really sound all that pleasant to me...
There are so many vine-covered buildings here - gorgeous! I love it!
This is where we ate lunch - Laker's Pizza. :-)
The menus were very picture-worthy. :-) I wasn't brave enough to try the 'Dances With Wolves' pizza...
Would you care for some flesh attached?
Their cheese pizza and garlic bread was quite good! Different than in the US, but very tasty and filling.
A little good clean fun! :-)
A pet chipmunk! I've always wanted one... So cute!
And his audience was pretty cute, too. :-)
One of my roommates taking a picture of a funny sign (half the fun of sightseeing out and about! :-)
Not sure what these things are, but there were several of them around. Rather interesting.
Plastered t-shirt, anyone?
A beautiful set of doors I fell in love with!
Fans!
More lovely doors!
The neatest light fixtures!
Another neat door (can you tell I love doors?)
A red tree! I think it was wrapped in some kind of yarn or string.
Dinosaurs!
Willow trees! :-D
This building was so interesting! It was completely covered with PVC pipes.
And this one was covered in boards.
We watched this guy make some really yummy crepe-like things, it smelled SO good!
A really awkward cookie-cutter picture! They're NOT made for tall westerners, haha! I think the Chinese people snapping pictures also got quite a kick out of it. :-)
I have no idea what this tower thing is, but it looks pretty cool!
I don't know about you, but soaking in coffee doesn't really sound all that pleasant to me...
There are so many vine-covered buildings here - gorgeous! I love it!
This is where we ate lunch - Laker's Pizza. :-)
The menus were very picture-worthy. :-) I wasn't brave enough to try the 'Dances With Wolves' pizza...
Would you care for some flesh attached?
Their cheese pizza and garlic bread was quite good! Different than in the US, but very tasty and filling.
A little good clean fun! :-)
A pet chipmunk! I've always wanted one... So cute!
And his audience was pretty cute, too. :-)
Thursday, September 19, 2013
Two Firsts
A beautiful morning in QYD!
This is the view from our dining room window here at the apartment. Pretty breathtaking, if you ask me. :-)
It's the Moon Festival here this week (today, in fact), so that means we get to enjoy a four-day weekend. They celebrated the festival early at the FH, so yesterday was a little party for the kiddos, and the nannies and volunteers joined in!
Mooncakes (and every other kind of round food) are a big part of the celebration. I had my first taste yesterday! I tend to think they look much better than they taste.... Perhaps it's an acquired taste. :-)
This is the view from our dining room window here at the apartment. Pretty breathtaking, if you ask me. :-)
It's the Moon Festival here this week (today, in fact), so that means we get to enjoy a four-day weekend. They celebrated the festival early at the FH, so yesterday was a little party for the kiddos, and the nannies and volunteers joined in!
Mooncakes (and every other kind of round food) are a big part of the celebration. I had my first taste yesterday! I tend to think they look much better than they taste.... Perhaps it's an acquired taste. :-)
Thursday, August 1, 2013
A New Journey Begins
Many of you have been asking me about my upcoming trip to China - how you can support me, what I’ll be doing there, and why in the world I suddenly decided to leave the country for 7 months! :-)
So here’s the story.
It’s not really sudden at all, but more of a slow burning passion that has been in my heart since I was a child. And now, at 27, the Lord has finally told me it’s time to go.
Growing up, I always loved reading the stories of Amy Carmichael and Gladys Aylward, and imagined my grown-up self rescuing little girls in Asia from mistreatment or abandonment, and being their family, loving them, teaching them how special they are to their Creator God…being His instrument to bring them hope and safety.
I knew from a very young age that I wanted to adopt children (a whole bunch!!!) when I grew up and got married (and if I didn’t get married, I was moving to India, like Amy Carmichael, and starting a girls’ home! :-) ). But it wasn’t until I was eleven that I realized you could actually adopt from other countries. That happened when a family we were acquainted with brought a daughter home from China, and we got to go meet them at the airport.
I knew right then that I desperately wanted to adopt from China, and that desire never waned.
Fast-forward sixteen years. My situation is quite different than I imagined when I was a kid. :-) And I wouldn’t trade it for anything. Where the Lord puts me is much better than where I would place myself (it doesn’t feel that way sometimes, but it’s true!). He hasn’t placed me in a position to be able to adopt (yet), and that was a big struggle for me for a long time.
But then, once I began to get my own ideas out of my head and really look to see what His desire for me was, I began to realize that perhaps instead of bringing children home right now, He was asking me to go to them.
What? Me? Shy, introverted little me? Go somewhere I've never been, to live with people I’ve never met, surrounded by a language and culture I don’t understand, hundreds of miles away from my family, friends, and everything familiar? Yikes. Waaay outside of my comfort zone. I mean, I can’t even see my comfort zone from there… That kind of thing is for someone who’s brave, and outgoing and not…not…me…. Aren’t You asking the wrong person here?
That’s not even the most intimidating thing. For years, I had resisted the idea of short-term missions. I had gone on four separate missions trips around the US when I was in high school, and while it was a good experience, it ripped my heart out leaving those kids behind every time.
I couldn’t imagine doing that to an orphan. Go love on them for a couple of weeks and then leave? Abandon them? Again? They’ve already been abandoned, what am I saying about love by leaving them all over again? No, I most definitely don’t want to have anything to do with that. I’m bringing them home or nothing.
Not to mention what it would do to my heart to leave them behind! No way!
But then, the Lord started working in my heart. I have to do it His way. Wouldn’t love, for however long I can give it, be better than no love at all? Wouldn’t it be better to pour into their little love-starved hearts all the compassion the Lord has given me, even for a little while, than to withhold it altogether?
How selfish would it be to keep my heart safe, unbroken, and well-protected, when their little hearts have been utterly crushed?
How can I say ‘no’ to the God who’s own heart was broken and crushed for me? To the One who rescued me out of the mire and adopted me into His precious family at great cost to Himself? I can’t.
So, I timidly began looking into different orphanages and foster homes in China. I contacted one that sounded nice and needed a volunteer right away….no reply. Hm. Oh, well.
As I searched around, I discovered that opportunities for someone like me were very limited. I just wanted to hold babies! But so many places I looked into only wanted nurses, doctors, teachers, office workers, groups…anyone but me, it seemed!
But God knew better. :-) He had the right place all picked out ages ago.
I stumbled across a blog.…oh, those sweet faces! I started looking into NDFH, and discovered how much they love and care for their kids - needy orphans taken from surrounding orphanages. They provide surgeries, therapy, medical care…and love, for each of these sweet babies.
Do they take volunteers?? Yes! And they take anyone who’s willing, and will take them for however long they’re able to stay, be it a week or a year! :-D They are very flexible and willing to work with individual giftings and desires to serve in different areas. (Like holding babies…)
So after some prayer and discussion with my family, I decided to apply. Might as well, right? I wasn’t absolutely sure I should go at first, but as I went through the application and interview process, and continued thinking, praying and, of course, following NDFH’s blog, over the past year I became positive beyond a doubt that this is what I’m supposed to do right now.
And I made it through! ND accepted my application and asked me to come serve with them in China! Just a minor little confirmation there… :-)
So, I am going. I will be leaving for Beijing in September and staying through the winter, until April or May or… We’ll see. I’ll come home when He shows me it’s time.
As a long-term volunteer, I’ll be helping the nannies with the babies (yay!), helping in the pre-school, and anything else they may need me to do.
Words can’t describe how excited I am! I can hardly believe I’m actually going. Sometimes it hits me how real it is, and other times I feel like I’m going to wake up from the dream any moment.
Many of you have asked if you can support me financially, and the answer is yes. :-) I am responsible for all my own living and travel expenses while I’m over there, so that there’s no undue burden placed on ND.
I have chosen not to try to raise support or ask anyone for money, but want to trust the Lord to provide for what He has called me to do. So I’ve been saving toward the trip, and waiting on Him. And one way He is choosing to provide is through gracious people wanting to help.
So if your desire is to help out in that way, you can give directly to me in person (I’m not being sent through a mission agency or anything like that), or donate through Paypal while I’m over there - I’m planning to place a 'donate’ button on my blog, so be on the lookout for that.
Most of all, though, I greatly appreciate your prayers and encouragement in this new phase of my life. You are all very special, and I’m so thankful for you!
So here’s the story.
It’s not really sudden at all, but more of a slow burning passion that has been in my heart since I was a child. And now, at 27, the Lord has finally told me it’s time to go.
Growing up, I always loved reading the stories of Amy Carmichael and Gladys Aylward, and imagined my grown-up self rescuing little girls in Asia from mistreatment or abandonment, and being their family, loving them, teaching them how special they are to their Creator God…being His instrument to bring them hope and safety.
I knew from a very young age that I wanted to adopt children (a whole bunch!!!) when I grew up and got married (and if I didn’t get married, I was moving to India, like Amy Carmichael, and starting a girls’ home! :-) ). But it wasn’t until I was eleven that I realized you could actually adopt from other countries. That happened when a family we were acquainted with brought a daughter home from China, and we got to go meet them at the airport.
I knew right then that I desperately wanted to adopt from China, and that desire never waned.
Fast-forward sixteen years. My situation is quite different than I imagined when I was a kid. :-) And I wouldn’t trade it for anything. Where the Lord puts me is much better than where I would place myself (it doesn’t feel that way sometimes, but it’s true!). He hasn’t placed me in a position to be able to adopt (yet), and that was a big struggle for me for a long time.
But then, once I began to get my own ideas out of my head and really look to see what His desire for me was, I began to realize that perhaps instead of bringing children home right now, He was asking me to go to them.
What? Me? Shy, introverted little me? Go somewhere I've never been, to live with people I’ve never met, surrounded by a language and culture I don’t understand, hundreds of miles away from my family, friends, and everything familiar? Yikes. Waaay outside of my comfort zone. I mean, I can’t even see my comfort zone from there… That kind of thing is for someone who’s brave, and outgoing and not…not…me…. Aren’t You asking the wrong person here?
That’s not even the most intimidating thing. For years, I had resisted the idea of short-term missions. I had gone on four separate missions trips around the US when I was in high school, and while it was a good experience, it ripped my heart out leaving those kids behind every time.
I couldn’t imagine doing that to an orphan. Go love on them for a couple of weeks and then leave? Abandon them? Again? They’ve already been abandoned, what am I saying about love by leaving them all over again? No, I most definitely don’t want to have anything to do with that. I’m bringing them home or nothing.
Not to mention what it would do to my heart to leave them behind! No way!
But then, the Lord started working in my heart. I have to do it His way. Wouldn’t love, for however long I can give it, be better than no love at all? Wouldn’t it be better to pour into their little love-starved hearts all the compassion the Lord has given me, even for a little while, than to withhold it altogether?
How selfish would it be to keep my heart safe, unbroken, and well-protected, when their little hearts have been utterly crushed?
How can I say ‘no’ to the God who’s own heart was broken and crushed for me? To the One who rescued me out of the mire and adopted me into His precious family at great cost to Himself? I can’t.
So, I timidly began looking into different orphanages and foster homes in China. I contacted one that sounded nice and needed a volunteer right away….no reply. Hm. Oh, well.
As I searched around, I discovered that opportunities for someone like me were very limited. I just wanted to hold babies! But so many places I looked into only wanted nurses, doctors, teachers, office workers, groups…anyone but me, it seemed!
But God knew better. :-) He had the right place all picked out ages ago.
I stumbled across a blog.…oh, those sweet faces! I started looking into NDFH, and discovered how much they love and care for their kids - needy orphans taken from surrounding orphanages. They provide surgeries, therapy, medical care…and love, for each of these sweet babies.
Do they take volunteers?? Yes! And they take anyone who’s willing, and will take them for however long they’re able to stay, be it a week or a year! :-D They are very flexible and willing to work with individual giftings and desires to serve in different areas. (Like holding babies…)
So after some prayer and discussion with my family, I decided to apply. Might as well, right? I wasn’t absolutely sure I should go at first, but as I went through the application and interview process, and continued thinking, praying and, of course, following NDFH’s blog, over the past year I became positive beyond a doubt that this is what I’m supposed to do right now.
And I made it through! ND accepted my application and asked me to come serve with them in China! Just a minor little confirmation there… :-)
So, I am going. I will be leaving for Beijing in September and staying through the winter, until April or May or… We’ll see. I’ll come home when He shows me it’s time.
As a long-term volunteer, I’ll be helping the nannies with the babies (yay!), helping in the pre-school, and anything else they may need me to do.
Words can’t describe how excited I am! I can hardly believe I’m actually going. Sometimes it hits me how real it is, and other times I feel like I’m going to wake up from the dream any moment.
Many of you have asked if you can support me financially, and the answer is yes. :-) I am responsible for all my own living and travel expenses while I’m over there, so that there’s no undue burden placed on ND.
I have chosen not to try to raise support or ask anyone for money, but want to trust the Lord to provide for what He has called me to do. So I’ve been saving toward the trip, and waiting on Him. And one way He is choosing to provide is through gracious people wanting to help.
So if your desire is to help out in that way, you can give directly to me in person (I’m not being sent through a mission agency or anything like that), or donate through Paypal while I’m over there - I’m planning to place a 'donate’ button on my blog, so be on the lookout for that.
Most of all, though, I greatly appreciate your prayers and encouragement in this new phase of my life. You are all very special, and I’m so thankful for you!
Tuesday, April 2, 2013
Pictures Worth a Thousand Words
Words fail me to thank God enough for this little miracle. No, this HUGE miracle in a little bundle. I'm selfishly thankful that He chose to answer our prayers with a 'yes, I will save her life'. There's not much more I can say, our God is awesome, and Abbie Rose is living, breathing, and beautiful.
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