A Bittersweet Farewell... Or Is It?

Well, it has come to an end, as all things in this world must.  Oh, how I do love the little tastes of Heaven we're given even here!  And I'm so thankful that God brings us through seasons - so thankful we never stay in one place, that no matter how difficult things may be, they don't last forever.  Jesus faithfully brings us through them and into another season, closer to His side than before, and with a greater understanding of who He is.  And that is so worth any possible pain I could go through...

I love the restful periods of refreshment, the times where I feel He is just saying, "My dear child, I love you.  Know it.  Bask in it.  Be joyful.  Delight in Me."  That's where I am at the moment, and I'm thoroughly enjoying every minute of it.  :-) 

Being involved in this show ('The Importance of Being Earnest', in case you missed my previous posts here and here.) has been a wonderful combination of emotional rest and productive work.  I had rather forgotten how marvelous it is to make people laugh!  :-) 

'A merry heart doeth good like a medicine...'  Proverbs 17:22

This reminder has spilled over into other areas of my life, too, and that has been a blessing.  Cheerfulness is something that I'm called to no matter where I am, but certain times of life make it much easier...  :-)

At any rate, I have really relished the opportunity to love people.  It's challenging at times, and very easy at others.  It was so difficult to say good-bye yesterday...  I knew it would be, the end of a show is always hard for me, but this one hit me in ways I didn't expect.  It got me thinking that whenever you love, you give of yourself. And when you do that, it opens you up to that bittersweet pain of being connected to people.  Knowing that when you love people, you will be hurt at some point, does that mean we shouldn't love anyway?

Jesus loved, and look where it led Him!  And He never, ever regretted it...  Loving is always worth it, regardless.

'A friend loveth at all times...'  Proverbs 17:17

The Happy Months Fly By...

Well, we're on the last week of performances for 'The Importance of Being Earnest'!  I can't believe these four weeks have gone by so quickly!  It's been a wonderful journey to make with a wonderful cast and crew of people, I'm sure going to miss it all. 

You spend six weeks rehearsing and then a month performing, it becomes a welcome part of one's life - the people become part of your life.  Like family, you didn't choose them, but you love them anyway.  :-)  People.  You love them because they're there.  If they're there, God has placed them there, placed them in your way, in your life for a reason.  And so you love.  Because He loves. 

A Mother's Love

Motherhood

by Agnes Lee

Mary, the Christ long slain, passed silently,
Following the children joyously astir
Under the cedrus and the olive tree,
Pausing to let their laughter float to her.
Each voice an echo of a voice more dear,
She saw a little Christ in every face.

Then came another woman gliding near
To watch the tender life which filled the place.
And Mary sought the woman's hand, and spoke:
"I know thee not, yet know thy memory tossed
With all a thousand dreams their eyes evoke
Who bring thee a child beloved and lost.

"I, too, have rocked my little One.
And He was fair,
Oh, fairer than the fairest sun,
And like its rays through amber spun
His sun-bright hair!
Still I can see it shine and shine."
"Even so," the woman said, "was mine."

"His ways were ever darling ways" -
And Mary smiled -
"So soft and clinging! Glad relays
Of love were all His precious days.
My little child!
My infinite star! My music fled!"
"Even so was mine," the woman said.

And Mary whispered: "Tell me, thou,
Of thine." And she:
"Oh, mine was rosy as a bough
Blooming with roses, sent, somehow,
To bloom for me.

His balmy fingers left a thrill
Deep in my breast that warms me still."
Then gazed she down some wilder, darker hour,
And said - when Mary questioned, knowing not,
"Who art thou, mother of so sweet a flower?" -
"I am the mother of Iscariot."

Jesus, Hold Me Now

This is another song that has ministered to my heart this week. It's worth a listen!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m5oJPfTofxo

Jesus, Hold Me Now

by Casting Crowns

Living on my own, thinking of myself

Castles in the sand, temporary wealth

Now the walls are falling down

Now the storms are closing in

And here I am again

Jesus, hold me now

I need to feel You in this place

To know You're by my side

And hear Your voice tonight

Jesus, hold me now

I long for Your embrace

I'm beat and broken down

I can't find my way out

Jesus, hold me now

Curse this morning sun

Drags me into one more day

Of reaping what I've sown

Living with my shame

So welcome to my world

And the life that I have made

One day you're a prince

And the next day you a slave

Lord, I just looked up today

And realized how far away I am

From where You are

And I don't know what else to pray

Broken at Your feet I lay

The life I've torn apart

Jesus, hold me now

I feel You in this place

I know You're by my side

I hear Your voice tonight

Jesus, hold me now

Not My Will, But Thine, Be Done

I've been thinking a lot lately about being prepared. Not in a Boy Scouts sort of way :-), but being in the process of preparation for something. What I mean is going through life, learning certain things (rather unwittingly at times, I'm afraid), reaching a particular situation and realizing that everything you've gone through up to this point has prepared you for this circumstance.

These thoughts had their inception in my previous post, The Karate Kid Kind of Life. What began the wheels turning for this post was a wonderful evening I spent with a dear friend of mine a few weeks ago, when we went to see the Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King symphony. Though I've seen the film countless times before, this time around the relationship between Eowyn and Faramir struck me in a different way than it had before.

Tracing their journeys from the beginning, they both have an extremely hard time of it. Eowyn loses a cousin, who is like another brother to her; and Faramir, the younger of two brothers, is disregarded and treated like dirt by his father.


They are both starved for love, for appreciation, for something meaningful to do. Some reason for living, something that makes them feel needed. I think many of us go through periods like this, in one way or another. We know that God is in control and has a purpose for the world, we know that He loves us, but sometimes it so hard to see what His specific purpose for our life is. We look around at people who seem to have it all together, who know what they're doing and why they're doing it, and wonder, 'what am I supposed to do? Why am I here?'

Often, we look for the answer in all the wrong places. And sometimes, we think we know what we're supposed to do and start down that path, only to find that it's not the Lord's will after all, or not His will right now. But I want it to be right now! I feel useless wandering the desert like this!

In the story, Eowyn thinks she has found the right man to lead and care for her, to give her that love and purpose she so desperately longs for.....only to find that he is not the right man, nor is it the right time. This breaks her heart, and feelings of hopelessness overwhelm her.

I know some of you can relate. As a single woman whos only desire from childhood has been to be a wife and mother, it is very hard to watch the years roll by without this happening. I know it's a good desire that the Lord has placed in me, therefore, it has a purpose and He will use it for His glory. Most likely, that purpose is, and will be, far different from what I imagine. There are many good desires like this that God places in our hearts, and yet, doesn't seem to be doing anything about it... And so we wander, step by step through the desert feeling as though our time is being wasted.

Faramir finds himself riding into a hopeless battle at the bidding of his father, who doesn't seem to care whether his son lives or dies. He's the only rider to return, wounded and near death.

He winds up in the Houses of Healing, where we'll leave him, for now.

Eowyn rides into battle and faces her greatest challenge. Driven by love for her uncle, she confronts fear head-on and her courage is tested more than ever before.

Though this challenge is overcome, her heart is broken once more when her uncle dies...

She reaches the end of herself. There's nothing more that she can do.

Broken in body and spirit, she winds up in the Houses of Healing... :-)

Dependant on someone else for her healing. It seems miserable, doesn't it? To go through all that pain and difficulty. To struggle with fear and anger and grief and doubt. To feel cut adrift. But there's a purpose in it all! Every step of the journey has been carefully planned by the Creator. Nothing comes across our path without His permission.

There's a purpose for the desert...

...to prepare us for what's ahead.

Neither Faramir, nor Eowyn dreamed of this happening. Neither of them knew or planned to find each other at the end of road they were on. They would not have been ready without first travelling the hard path, experiencing the difficulty, the sorrow, the challenges they faced along the way. Every circumstance they went through was preparing them for each other.

The desert is necessary! In the words of Calvin's dad (I love the Calvin and Hobbes comic strip...:-): it builds character! We have to be broken before we can be remade.

The process is painful, but if we desire God's best, there's no getting around it.

I know I often look around and see those who go after their desires in the world's way, and they seem to get what they want! And I can't help but wonder why the Lord has given them their desires, but not me... Lord, I'm trying to do this Your way, giving this up to You, so why aren't You doing something?

Then it strikes me. Yes, many seem to get what they wanted, but did they get His best? What would have happened if they had surrendered their will to His? What more would He have done for them? What greater thing would He have done in them if they had only let Him? And I determine not to give in to envy, not to give in to doing it my way. I want His best! I don't want to settle for what I want! What He wants for me is soooo much more than I could ever imagine!

This reminds me of another movie, 'Real Steel'. I don't necessarily recommend this film, it's not the greatest. But the final scene was quite interesting. It's the final match between two boxing robots (bear with me here...), the underdog owned by a little boy and his dad. At the end, the larger robot is pummeling the smaller robot, whom the dad is controlling. And he allows it to happen, he waits...

The little boy begs and begs for his dad to fight back! He doesn't want to lose! He's desperate for his dad to do something! But his father bides his time...

At precisely the right moment, he swings, and his opponent is defeated. Often, I feel like that little kid, begging God to do something!!! But He waits...and makes me wait... Because His timing is perfect. He sees what I can't see, knows what I don't know. And loves me more than I could ever understand.

Choosing to do it God's way is HARD. There are times I want to throw in the towel. But I can't give up, because this is the right thing to do, and regardless of what does or doesn't happen, it's so worth it!

"Not my will, but Thine, be done." Luke 22:42

"...for they shall not be ashamed that wait for Me." Isaiah 49:23