Jesus, Hold Me Now

This is another song that has ministered to my heart this week. It's worth a listen!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m5oJPfTofxo

Jesus, Hold Me Now

by Casting Crowns

Living on my own, thinking of myself

Castles in the sand, temporary wealth

Now the walls are falling down

Now the storms are closing in

And here I am again

Jesus, hold me now

I need to feel You in this place

To know You're by my side

And hear Your voice tonight

Jesus, hold me now

I long for Your embrace

I'm beat and broken down

I can't find my way out

Jesus, hold me now

Curse this morning sun

Drags me into one more day

Of reaping what I've sown

Living with my shame

So welcome to my world

And the life that I have made

One day you're a prince

And the next day you a slave

Lord, I just looked up today

And realized how far away I am

From where You are

And I don't know what else to pray

Broken at Your feet I lay

The life I've torn apart

Jesus, hold me now

I feel You in this place

I know You're by my side

I hear Your voice tonight

Jesus, hold me now

Not My Will, But Thine, Be Done

I've been thinking a lot lately about being prepared. Not in a Boy Scouts sort of way :-), but being in the process of preparation for something. What I mean is going through life, learning certain things (rather unwittingly at times, I'm afraid), reaching a particular situation and realizing that everything you've gone through up to this point has prepared you for this circumstance.

These thoughts had their inception in my previous post, The Karate Kid Kind of Life. What began the wheels turning for this post was a wonderful evening I spent with a dear friend of mine a few weeks ago, when we went to see the Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King symphony. Though I've seen the film countless times before, this time around the relationship between Eowyn and Faramir struck me in a different way than it had before.

Tracing their journeys from the beginning, they both have an extremely hard time of it. Eowyn loses a cousin, who is like another brother to her; and Faramir, the younger of two brothers, is disregarded and treated like dirt by his father.


They are both starved for love, for appreciation, for something meaningful to do. Some reason for living, something that makes them feel needed. I think many of us go through periods like this, in one way or another. We know that God is in control and has a purpose for the world, we know that He loves us, but sometimes it so hard to see what His specific purpose for our life is. We look around at people who seem to have it all together, who know what they're doing and why they're doing it, and wonder, 'what am I supposed to do? Why am I here?'

Often, we look for the answer in all the wrong places. And sometimes, we think we know what we're supposed to do and start down that path, only to find that it's not the Lord's will after all, or not His will right now. But I want it to be right now! I feel useless wandering the desert like this!

In the story, Eowyn thinks she has found the right man to lead and care for her, to give her that love and purpose she so desperately longs for.....only to find that he is not the right man, nor is it the right time. This breaks her heart, and feelings of hopelessness overwhelm her.

I know some of you can relate. As a single woman whos only desire from childhood has been to be a wife and mother, it is very hard to watch the years roll by without this happening. I know it's a good desire that the Lord has placed in me, therefore, it has a purpose and He will use it for His glory. Most likely, that purpose is, and will be, far different from what I imagine. There are many good desires like this that God places in our hearts, and yet, doesn't seem to be doing anything about it... And so we wander, step by step through the desert feeling as though our time is being wasted.

Faramir finds himself riding into a hopeless battle at the bidding of his father, who doesn't seem to care whether his son lives or dies. He's the only rider to return, wounded and near death.

He winds up in the Houses of Healing, where we'll leave him, for now.

Eowyn rides into battle and faces her greatest challenge. Driven by love for her uncle, she confronts fear head-on and her courage is tested more than ever before.

Though this challenge is overcome, her heart is broken once more when her uncle dies...

She reaches the end of herself. There's nothing more that she can do.

Broken in body and spirit, she winds up in the Houses of Healing... :-)

Dependant on someone else for her healing. It seems miserable, doesn't it? To go through all that pain and difficulty. To struggle with fear and anger and grief and doubt. To feel cut adrift. But there's a purpose in it all! Every step of the journey has been carefully planned by the Creator. Nothing comes across our path without His permission.

There's a purpose for the desert...

...to prepare us for what's ahead.

Neither Faramir, nor Eowyn dreamed of this happening. Neither of them knew or planned to find each other at the end of road they were on. They would not have been ready without first travelling the hard path, experiencing the difficulty, the sorrow, the challenges they faced along the way. Every circumstance they went through was preparing them for each other.

The desert is necessary! In the words of Calvin's dad (I love the Calvin and Hobbes comic strip...:-): it builds character! We have to be broken before we can be remade.

The process is painful, but if we desire God's best, there's no getting around it.

I know I often look around and see those who go after their desires in the world's way, and they seem to get what they want! And I can't help but wonder why the Lord has given them their desires, but not me... Lord, I'm trying to do this Your way, giving this up to You, so why aren't You doing something?

Then it strikes me. Yes, many seem to get what they wanted, but did they get His best? What would have happened if they had surrendered their will to His? What more would He have done for them? What greater thing would He have done in them if they had only let Him? And I determine not to give in to envy, not to give in to doing it my way. I want His best! I don't want to settle for what I want! What He wants for me is soooo much more than I could ever imagine!

This reminds me of another movie, 'Real Steel'. I don't necessarily recommend this film, it's not the greatest. But the final scene was quite interesting. It's the final match between two boxing robots (bear with me here...), the underdog owned by a little boy and his dad. At the end, the larger robot is pummeling the smaller robot, whom the dad is controlling. And he allows it to happen, he waits...

The little boy begs and begs for his dad to fight back! He doesn't want to lose! He's desperate for his dad to do something! But his father bides his time...

At precisely the right moment, he swings, and his opponent is defeated. Often, I feel like that little kid, begging God to do something!!! But He waits...and makes me wait... Because His timing is perfect. He sees what I can't see, knows what I don't know. And loves me more than I could ever understand.

Choosing to do it God's way is HARD. There are times I want to throw in the towel. But I can't give up, because this is the right thing to do, and regardless of what does or doesn't happen, it's so worth it!

"Not my will, but Thine, be done." Luke 22:42

"...for they shall not be ashamed that wait for Me." Isaiah 49:23

Running to You

This song ministered to my heart tonight, so I thought I'd share it with you. Here's a link to the song, if you'd like to listen to it:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b2MCbqGBQEI.

Running to You
by the Newsboys

Somebody told me about a place
Oh I can see it
But I've got to change my ways
Day after day it’s the same old thing
I keep repeating, the reason I stay this way
I know what I have to do
Get back to what I know is true

When everything is broken,
There’s a door wide open
You’ll find me running through
More than just emotion
My broken heart has chosen,
Jesus I’m running to You
I’m running to You

I'm running, running to You
I'm running, running to You

I can see the tear on your face
You feel defeated
Wondering what are you living for
Selfish dreams left you time and time
Empty-handed
There’s got to be something more
You know what you have to do
Get back to Who you know is true

You're the only One
Who can fix what I've become
Oh God, I believe in your love

When everything is broken,
There’s a door wide open
You’ll find me running to You
More than just emotion
My broken heart has chosen,
Jesus I’m running to You

Dethrone the King

My mom came across this quote some time ago, and I made a copy, which has been hanging on my wall for a few years now. It is such a challenging and convicting reminder, I thought I'd share it with you. Oh, how far short I fall!

Dethrone the King

Dying to Self

When you are forgotten or neglected or purposely set at naught, and you don't sting or hurt with the insult or the oversight, but your heart is happy, being counted worthy to suffer for Christ -- that is dying to self.

When your good is evil spoken of, when your wishes are crossed, your advice disregarded or your opinions ridiculed, and you refuse to let anger rise in your heart or even to defend yourself, but take it all in patient, loving silence -- that is dying to self.

When you lovingly, patiently bear any disorder and irregularity, any impunctuality or any annoyance - when you come face to face with waste, folly, extravagance, spiritual insensibility - and endure it as Jesus endured it --that is dying to self.

When you are content with any food, any offering, any raiment, any climate, any society, any solitude, any interruption by the will of God -- that is dying to self.

When you never refer to yourself in conversation, or to record your own good works, or itch after commendation, when you can truly love to go unknown -- that is dying to self.

When you can see your brother or sister have his or her needs met and can honestly rejoice in spirit and can feel no envy nor question God, while your own needs are far greater and in more desperate circumstances -- that is dying to self.

When you can receive correction and reproof from one of less stature than yourself and humbly submit inwardly as well as outwardly, finding no rebellion or resentment rising up within your heart -- that is dying to self.

by Bill Britton

Let the Show Begin!

So I had an audition and a callback last week, and found out that I've been cast as Gwendolen in 'The Importance of Being Earnest'! :-D

I'm super excited, this is a show I've been wanting to be part of for a long time now! I usually try to find shows/films that are meaningful and have a powerful message, but every once in a while it's good to do something that's just plain fun. :-) It's like dessert: you don't consume it as your only meal every day, but on occasion, it can be good for you...

We begin rehearsals this week and I'm soooo looking forward to it! Usually, the deep, meaningful shows are the most challenging, but this will stretch me in a different way, as I haven't done a whole lot of comedy in the past. Yay!

Plus, I'm convicted that no matter what you're doing, your ministry is to the people around you.