All things work together for good to them that love God.
He is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think.
This week I found myself having to choose. Choose between what I want, and what God wants. Between taking things into my own hands and leaving them in His. Oh, that's hard sometimes! Who am I kidding....it's hard all the time!
I like to have a plan for everything, all laid out nice and neat. I like to have something definite to do. I like to know exactly what to do, when to do it, how to do it, and why I'm doing it. I like knowing what to expect. I like knowing exactly what will happen, when, and how. It feels safe, secure, comfortable. I don't like not knowing. Which is really quite a challenge, since life is full of not knowing!
As the Lord continually nudges me outside of my little comfort bubble, I can look back and see how far He has brought me in this area - yippee, I'm more flexible and relaxed than I used to be!!! :-D And then I look forward at how far I have left to go - yeah, about that...could we just hit fast-forward, pretty please?
Whenever I reach a place of assurance or conviction, I can be pretty certain that it will be tested. Sometimes I'm ready, and sometimes, I forget to steel myself...
A desire I think has been mastered sneaks up and takes me by surprise. In a battle, the element of surprise is everything. I'm walking along one day, minding my own business, when whammo! It hits me, and sends me reeling. Some attacks take longer to recover from than others, and many are a day to day, conscious and continual giving over of my desires, my plans, my dreams, to the One who gave them in the first place.
Surrender. It sounds easy. It sounds like giving up. Waving the white flag and saying, 'I'm done, I give up, it's over.' But shockingly, holding one's hand open, letting everything that comprises my life rest lightly on my open palm to either continue resting there, or be blown away by the winds of God's will, takes an incredible amount of work and will-power. It goes against everything in me! I want to hold on for dear life! I don't like feeling out of control! I don't like the free-fall of letting go and trusting that something I can't see will safely catch me!
But I think that's part of the point. When I hang on, when I take control, and try to force things to go my way, I end up in a lonely, miserable place. Because anything that is not done in God's way is unsatisfying.
I constantly have to remind myself that if I knew everything that God knows, I would choose what He chooses for me. Sometimes, He takes away something good because he wants to give me something better.
Many of my desires are for good things. But should I be aiming for something good? Or, in surrender, allowing God to bring me His best in His time, and in His own way? I think the answer is obvious.
I was mulling these things over today and realized that every desire that arises in me, is an opportunity to give it back to the Lord. It is the opportunity to recognize Christ's Sovereign control over my life, and praise Him for it.
At that moment I let go, it is then that I realize all my fear was for nothing, because this, this is freedom. This surrender, this loss of control, this is where joy and peace and rest are found. In the bliss of knowing all rests in His capable hands, and He never, ever fails.
Foiled plans, disappointed desires, hopes with no result in sight... These are the Lord's proving grounds. Do I love Him, or do I not? How much am I willing to give up? How much am I willing to let Him handle, instead of trying to orchestrate things myself? Is what I think I want more to me than everything that Christ is and desires for me?
Oh, Heaven, help me. Psalm 37:4-5 says:
"Delight yourself also in the LORD; and He shall give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the LORD; trust also in Him; and He will bring it to pass."
And it will be worth every moment of struggle.
The journey really is amazing. It really is worth savoring each moment, praising Jesus for them, and for what He is accomplishing through them.
Lord, help me to let go, and let You.
